6 months ago today we met this little girl.
I don’t know whose heart broke more that day….ours or hers.
She screamed.
We questioned. were we really doing the right thing?
She cried.
We cried.
But somehow the tears stopped. for then.
And somehow we made it 6 months together.
And somehow I’ve fallen in love.
6 months.
It feels like a lifetime of getting to know someone.
Yet, I’ve just begun to unwrap the gift of my daughter.
I love you Yao Yao. I really do.
I tend to second guess my self “after the fact” quite a lot. You know….like when you are driving home from a party and you think of everything that you said and wish you wouldn’t have. Or second guessing if a “confronting approach” to someone was a little too confronting. And of course, pondering if fellow bloggers really “got” my point.
I will admit, there was a small amount of pondering before publishing “The Birthday” cake post….was it too over the edge? Was this “family friendly” blog suddenly categorized more as a “Hollywood friendly” blog?
But I hit publish anyway.
And now I know that I should never have second guessed myself. The readers I felt “protective of” are suddenly…asking and begging for more deplorable photos. Never mind that the number 8 is now burned inflammatorily into the brains of everyone.
I decided though that I will not show the infamous rocketship first. That is not fair. I need to validate myself positively in someway. And the sad thing is that no one really cares about a success.
So here is one of my kinda cute creations.
Ok. Who am I kidding? This is it. This is the best I can do when it comes to cakes.
But I know no one cares about cute little ponies. Especially, since as far as I know it does not represent any forbidden body part.
So now I humbly show you the rocketship cake.
Now, before you say, “Flamingo…that’s not that bad”. You must realize that the photo was shot after the “rearranging” took place.
In the photo you can see the smears of icing. That is where the “blasters” used to be. Originally the “blasters” were positioned directly under the “main rocket”.
That is what the R.N. saw and when he gasped. And after he moved them, I decided to add the chocolate chips. Which now that I ‘m looking at it, I’m thinking that really didn’t help anything. I’m thinking it might even reemphasize things.
So perhaps I could do coming of age parties or something. I don’t know. Regardless, my kids always love their cakes.
And they do taste good. So I guess that is all that matters.
The birthday cake. At least once a year I splurge into my insane idea of creating a memorable cake for one of my children. I have no idea why I do it. It always starts as an awesome idea. It is perfect in my head.
But, everytime I seem to forget who is going to be creating the cake…me!
I have a few cake successes in my past. Sha Sha’s 5th birthday cake was pretty darn cute. Not as cute as I imagined of course, but it was presentable.
I’ve also done a few of my infamous “toothpick cakes”. I take stickers or pictures and tape them to toothpicks which I put all over the cake. They always turn out cute. I don’t know why I just don’t stick with that whole innovative idea.
And sadly, come to think of it, it’s always the Ringleader that suffers at my hand. His 1st birthday, I threw a huge party and the theme was “sports balls”. I had the super cool idea of mini soccer ball and basketball cakes. Again, perfection in my mind.
The Rockstar Nurse and some friends of mine STILL make fun of those cakes that were presented 7 years ago. They were yummy, but I confess they did not look like a soccer ball in the least. I will still argue that the basketballs were cute.
Then there was the Ringleader’s 6th birthday. Or maybe it was his 7th. I can’t remember because I blocked it out of my memory as a coping mechanism. I had a wonderful idea of a rocketship cake! How easy? How cool?!
Well, I didn’t think it looked that bad, that is until the Rockstar Nurse gasped when he saw my cake! He quickly informed me that it was the stunning replica of the male genatalia.
Sigh.
He was right. So we flipped some things around and it again became “presentable”.
So this year, I decided to do it again. “I will make the cake!”
I saw a cute skateboard cake, but knowing my history I knew mine would not end up as cute.
So, I had the brilliant idea of the number 8 for his 8th birthday!
I can’t possibly mess up a number 8 cake! It’s just 2 round cakes!
Well, it was a dramatic effort as normal, with too much detail to hold your interest.
And again the Rockstar Nurse became mortified when he saw the cake. Basically, because when you looked at the 8 cake sideways, it looked like a woman’s, well you know. I put a cookie in the middle of the circles…I think that is what “pushed” it over the edge.
The Rockstar Nurse does get quite annoyed by my creative endeavors. I can’t complain outloud because I know he will vehemently respond, “just buy the flippin’ cake!”
And yes. Next year I will buy the cake. Well, at least for the Ringleader. But I did see a really cute guitar cake you can make for Lil’Rocker, a princess cake for Yao Yao and a pony cake for Sha Sha.
If only you could see them in my mind:)
Five months ago. Five months ago today we welcomed home Yao Yao. Wow. Five months! In some ways, my fingers are tempted to type 5 years. We have been through so much. She has changed so much. 
In other ways, it feels like yesterday.
I realize that I have not communicated as much just regarding Yao Yao and the progress she is making. It actually was an intentional lack of communication. The Rockstar Nurse and I have gone through our own emotions and “issues” in regards to our beautiful daughter. They have not always been happy ones. In fact, we have had some down right “dark” days.
However, that is another post completely.
But I am blessed and relieved to say that over the past few weeks, we have come out of the epitome of our own “self wallowing” and we are loving our little girl.
A few nights ago, the Rockstar Nurse and I were reminiscing and celebrating over all the ways that Yao Yao has changed.
So in honor of our 9-9-09, 5 month anniversary, I will share 9 things about our sweet girl.
1. She loves the color blue. It used to be pink, but now it’s all about blue.
2. She is rarely disobedient. Actually she’s a little “too compliant”:) However, she loves to whine. How do kids learn to do that so amazingly well in such a short period of time?
3. Although she still loves certain things about her routine, she is quite flexible and goes with the flow amazingly well.
4. She is quite affectionate with her daddy. He loves to have his back scratched, so she now loves
to go and “tickle” his back everytime he is sitting down. This has truely won him over. She likes to brush his hair too. It’s quite cute.
5. She is no longer afraid of animals…she loves them. When we 1st came home,her reactions over cute little puppies almost made you “pass out”. Her screams were quite terrorizing and shrill.
6. She loves to wear sunglasses. She will wear them around all day. They are often on upside down.
7. She has an incredible sense of humor. I was always worried that she wouldn’t. Our other kids have a great sense of humor. We love to tease each other and the kids love when we “pick” on them. Yao Yao has the same incredible gift. She completely understands when we are being funny and she purposely will tease us…it’s a blessing to us.
8. She is developing great bonds with her siblings. The Ringleader is great with her. She without a doubt is Lil’ Rocker’s best friend. We would have to get him counseling if he didn’t have her anymore. Even Sha Sha now accepts and even likes her sister. It is amazing. This week I looked out the window to see her holding Yao Yao’s hand as they were walking through the yard. Miracles never cease.
9. She loves to play baby dolls. This is my favorite thing to do with her for “bonding”. I love to watch her “rock” her baby. She talks to them and reads them books. My favorite is that she folds her hands, closes her eyes and prays with them when she puts them to bed.
We’ve definitely come very far over the past 5 months. Not as far of a distance as she has had to go though. To be honest, most of us never have to go the distance these little ones do in our entire lives. I do love this girl and it makes me sad to know that I’m not always the best mommy to her. And that I don’t usually give all that I have. And that I too have failed her.
But I guess that is what is great about each morning (if there is something great about a morning:)…we can start anew.
We have fallen into our family’s normal now. It is a wonderful vibe to be in.
One of the main reasons I blog publically is because I want to be an encouragement to others…no matter if it is the journey of motherhood or adoption or whatever. Nothing thrills my heart more than when I receive an email from someone who identified with something I said and it was just what they needed to get through their day.
It thrills my heart because I know that God used me that day to speak to someone else. I know it is not my words , but His and there is nothing more satisfying to me.
So, yesterday I started to obsess over the post that I last wrote. I started to worry that a fellow mom in the throes of toddlerhood was thinking, “what is wrong with me? I’m not enjoying this. I look forward to the breaks. I’m not fulfilled.”
Every word I write is true. It is from my heart, at least for that day. I have always done much better speaking my feelings through words than by mouth or even actions. So, I guess I wanted to clarify or even reiterate that while I do love being at home with little ones, it doesn’t mean that every moment is perfect.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t end up in tears over a little boy that poops in his “big boy” pants yet once again.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t sigh audibly loud when a 3 year old comes down from “nap” without sleeping.
It doesn’t mean that my heart warms over the sounds of the constant sibling bickering.
It doesn’t mean that I want to stay forever in the moment of a writhing, screaming and tantrum throwing toddler.
What it does mean…..
Is that the sweet things throughout the day stay with me more than “bad” things….at least I try and choose for them to be.
And it’s that I realize that nothing in this life is perfect. Not a job, a home, a person, a career, a family or a child.
And it’s that everything in this life is somewhat hard….especially our jobs, our home, people, careers, families and children.
So, that is why I love where I am at. It’s not perfect. It’s not easy. But out of all the imperfect places in this world, I would choose no other place than where I am.
And as sad and even intimidated I may be over the future, I realize that the next “imperfect” stage may be even better than now.
