Happy 6th Birthday Sha Sha!

Every mother likes to share her story. The story of becoming a mother.

No, not HOW she became a mother, but the detailed events of the day that her precious bundle of joy entered the world OR her world.

I don't know why we revel in such details, but during a pregnancy, stories of dilation and contractions are like drugs to the soul. You can't seem to get enough of it. I guess that is why there are so many "Baby Stories" on TLC.

Being a mom through adoption is very different, but in a lot of ways the same. We obsess over process times and paperwork and surf blogworld in search of another adoptive mom's saga.

I have 4 very different stories in my motherhood journey. I guess I am blessed. No, I KNOW I am blessed.

So, this long intro was just a way of reeling you in to hearing one of my "stories". And the "story" I am blessed to share is the story of my precious Sha Sha who was born 6 years ago today!

In November of 2002, I suspected I was pregnant with baby #2. Sure enough, the tests confirmed it and we were due to become parents again in August of 2006.

My 2nd pregnancy was quite different than my first. Mostly because I wasn't hurling throughout the day (sorry for the graphic language. Our "stories" always involve that). Actually this pregnancy allowed me to somewhat grasp a small glimpse of why some women enjoy being pregnant:)

We found out halfway through our pregnancy that we were having a girl! Our 1st time we were "suprised". This time we were able to glimpse a peek at our precious child because The Rockstar Nurse has connections at the hospital for the ultrasound machine. Crazy thing was our "connection" was just a surgical resident. Oh well...he got it right!

I never seriously questioned if anything was "wrong" during my pregnancy, but a couple of times I would ask. The most eluding fact was because I gained a total of 19 pounds. I gained almost 50 with The Ringleader and Lil'Rocker, so 19 was abnormal for me. But they said each pregnancy was different, so I went with that. Although I still thought it was odd that I gain a 1/2 lb on a visit instead of the 10 I was accustomed to:)

So I continued on through 35 weeks. That visit was when it was discovered that I stopped growing at 32 weeks of pregnancy.

So I had to wait 5 days. Count them 5 days, until I had my ultrasound! I would never allow them to let me wait that long now, but I did then.

Anyway, on Tuesday July 22nd, the ultrasound revealed that things were not good. In fact, things were REALLY not good. My daughter was predicted to be only in the 2nd percentile for size. She was breech. The cord was wrapped around her neck twice. The nurse was very solomn and subdued when she told me. Not a good sign you know.

I had tears in my eyes as I heard the unexpected news. Mostly the tears were because I knew that meant C-section. Crazy thing was I never let my mind start to worry about the baby. Terrible mom I am, but I was scared for ME at that point! :)

So, after being admited to the hospital for extensive ultrasounds, they decided that our precious Sha Sha would be brought into the world that night.

Sha Sha was born at 36wks and 5 days and weighed only 4lb 5oz. It was a HUGE praise because she was only supposed to be 2 lbs.

I will never forget the 1st time I held her. I stared at her for a minute in my arms and then I puked:)



Miss Sha Sha was in the NICU for about 9 days. She was the "spit fire" of the unit.


Out of all my children, I get most emotional over my Sha Sha. I get emotional because I know that things could have been so much worse. I also get emotional because there are a lifetime residual effects of the complications....and I often feel guilty for that.


But Sha Sha is my precious gift. There is DEFINITELY no other little girl like her in this world. I am blessed with her uniqueness.


She has changed and grown so much over the past 6 years (well, not really she only weighs 32 lbs!) I am so proud of her.

1 year old

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

5 years old

Happy 6th Birthday Sha Sha!! I am so glad you are part of my story. I am so honored to be your mom.

Belly graveling

A few posts ago, I talked about my "coming back". At that point, I had made the decision to get a grip on my life. Well, really my spiritual life. I realized what little credit I've given God to help me with this little stuff. The sadness, grief, anger, stress were not delivered to Him. Instead, I was constantly trying to will myself every morning that I would change...that things would change.

But then, I would get out of bed in the morning and the same cyclical spiral would continue.

Through readings and listening, I realized what He was telling me. It ALL goes back to Him. Well, the relationship that I have with Him. I can NOT change my world...only He can. And although I have the ability to choose my actions, my words, my thoughts, I will not have the strength to change these things without a full out dependence on him. That my anger, stress, frustration with my kids was hardly about the kids. It was where I was with Him.

So, I came to Him on my knees....I mean ON MY KNEES.

And from that point on I started to see changes and feel changes.

I was able to better control my tongue. I began to appreciate my children. I started to see that I was within His purpose right here as a mom.

I don't think I'm really communicating everything that has gone on inside of me. It's still morning, and yes I still question if God is powerful enough to make me a morning person:)

So, since words are not eloquently flowing, I will just say that I am praising God because I feel like me again. It feels normal. I feel normal. My kids feel normal. My life feels normal.

Looking back, I really believe there was a veil of depression over me.

Of course, my feeling of normal can also be largely attributed to the fact that I have my precious little boy back.

Lil'Rocker left us in a cloud of smoke to become "Chuckie with Rocker hair". But now, my precious lil' boy is back. His defiance and evil streak seemed to go over night.

I can not tell you how beautiful it is to me to be able to hold him and rock him at night. He comes to me when he is hurt now. He enjoys my presence again. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

The change in him did not come until I was on my knees. Actually, I was on my belly.

And I'm so glad I was because I don't think I would have graveled before the Lord like I did...and I don't think I would be where I am with Him if I hadn't.

Embracing the Now

Last weekend we celebrated our 11 year anniversary. Well, we didn't really celebrate in BIG style. We ordered in Olive Garden and watched episodes of 24 (yes, still from this past season). The Rock Star Nurse then get all excited and asked me to come outside with him. He had a flashlight and a spray can. He wanted to know if I would hold the light for him while he sprayed for hornets?!

Are you kidding me?? After 11 years you don't realize that I'm petrified of bees?!

But he insisted this was fun....that this was "us"...that we always do things different...and this was a "different" way to celebrate:)

Perhaps he's right.

But 11 years made me stroll down memory lane quite rapidly. It doesn't take much for me to get all nostalgic. Anniversaries and birthdays quickly do that to you. After our hornet invasion, we sat on the couch and talked about the past.

We talked about our 1st apartment. And our 1st house. And when we had babies in the house.

I got all misty eyed and wished we could go back for just one day.

I love my life now...I do. But it did seem more simplistic then.

Then tonight I discovered I had archived some old photos in my online account. It didn't help my nostalgic triggers to see them again. And although I know this holds no memories for you, it indulges me:)

2003. The Ringleader was 22 months old and precious Sha Sha was just born. I wish so badly I could hold each of them right now at this age. Precious.

The day we brought Sha Sha home. I don't think we look old now, but wowsers...we look young then!

This is one of my favorite photos. It was 2005 when Sha Sha was 1 1/2 and The Ring leader was 3 1/2. I miss Sha Sha's red curls. She had the most gorgeous curly hair.

I've been thinking a lot about our tendancy to fall into the "grass is always greener" on the other side mentality. I know I fall into it over and over again. And someday a couple of years from now I will look at pictures from when my kids were 7, 6, 3, and 3 and want to be able to grab my kids out of the picture and hold them.

Silly thing is that they are here in front of me right now.

So somehow this post has gone from chasing hornets to embracing "the now". Didn't I just write on that a post or 2 ago? hmm...perhaps God is telling me something from my own writing (I truely don't hope that you think I have a plan when I write these posts:)

So I leave you with my newly acquired knowledge....

Embrace the now, but appreciate the past.

Happy 3 months Yao Yao!

We interupt our summer vacation for a Yao Yao update and celebration!

It is hard to believe that it has been 3 months today since we've been home from China!! I am absolutely floored by the person Miss Yao Yao has become already....sooooo different than the little girl we first met.
Yao Yao was able to celebrate her 1st 4th of July as an American Citizen. What a special day!

I know it's been a long time since I really communicated on how she is really doing.

In all honesty, she is doing absolutely amazing. Amazing!

Without a doubt, Yao Yao received excellent care at Wuxi. Yes, it was still an orphanage, but all the kids I've seen come home from there have done amazing. She does not have much post-institutional stuff going on. There is some, but it is very mild and really, only Baba and I see it.

Her language astounds me. She no longer responds to Chinese. In fact, when I talk about Baba, she calls him Daddy. She refuses to call him Baba anymore.

Her new thing is Princesses. She absolutely adores them. She thinks any princess is HER princess.

Just this morning we had this conversation...

"Yao Yao, are you a monkey or a princess?"

"Mommy, I PRINTESS!!" (said with great emphasis)

I said, "well where is your princess dress?"

She said, "it down downstairs mommy."

She is right...it is downstairs:)


She is now an officially awesome sleeper. Of course, I'm loving summer schedule because I can create a sleep schedule that I approve of. All the kiddos are sleeping well past 8am now. Her and Lil'Rocker still take naps too. We've come along way with sleeping.

Yao Yao used to only barely nap an hour. She would also get up way earlier than I thought she should. How did I know this? Well, she was soooo grouchy and tired after awaking. Now, she sleeps the amount of time she should and wakes up happy. I believe it's because she knows we are not going anywhere. I believe before when her eyelids would flicker at 6:40 am she would wake up to come and find us. Her favorite time of the day is still bedtime and even naptime. She never complains about going.

She adapts to change so incredibly well. At the same time, routine is VERY important to her. She views it as security. She has now adjusted to no daily routine. But the bedtime routine must still happen.

If I were to tell her that we were not going to brush her teeth before bed, she would go into hysterics. It is not the kind of tantrum that says, "hey, I want to do this and you won't let me"...it's the kind of tantrum that is "all my goodness!!! what is going to happen next now? "

HOWEVER, we can get past it. We did this with the bath. We took it out of the evening routine one time. She freaked out. However, I held firm and told her that we were not getting a bath. I told her we would brush teeth next. Being able to move to the next part of the routine, calmed her down. She has been fine ever since, when we skip a bath. She knows now that her world will not change with skipping a bath.

Yao Yao fits into our family because she has a great sense of humor. She loves to laugh! She also knows when Baba is "picking" on her. She loves it.

She loves her Baba and is fine with him for everything. She is fine with me leaving and she has left with Baba to go run errands. As long as I prepare her for my leaving she is ok. If I forget to prepare her, she freaks out.

She loves church! It took a couple of weeks, but she now adores going to her class without me! I think it makes her feel so proud of herself. She says, "I a big girl mommy!"

There is so much I could say about her, but in the essence of time, I need to stop. If there is something you want to know about our transition...please ask away! I will try and answer your questions.

On March 30, 2009 we met our daughter. She was a zombie for the 1st few hours. We see that now.

It's amazing what 3 months can do!! Same little girl....but now a smiling face! ;)

Coming back.....

I know I've said it before, but I really want to try and blog more again. It has nothing to do with anyone else but me. I love to write. It always clears my mind and my thoughts. As much as I yak, writing is the only way in which I can clearly and fully express myself.

Just today I was thinking of the importance of instilling writing as a daily habit for my life. Will I do anything with it? No...probably not. But I think I need to get back to doing it again. Don't worry....I have a private blog that I use as a journal, so you will not have to hear my voice everyday.

But I slowly am trying to make small steps in my life. I have felt somewhat distant from myself for the last 3 months. (Tomorrow we have been home from China for 3 months!) There are some days I feel depressed. Some days overwhelmed. I haven't been great at extending myself to others. I haven't been ambitious about ministry. I have lots of demons of impatience and anger sitting on my shoulder waiting to pounce at the 1st little person to come my way.

Often people forget that when you adopt, it is no different than giving birth to a child. Well, actually it is quite different...but the 1st few months of life are the same. As a "new" mom, you constantly are in search of balance and energy. It takes a few months to come to grips with a new place of normal. Balance? Well, let me know if any mom ever finds that...but normal. It is there to be found, one must just accept what the "new normal" may be.

With summer vacation come and gone, we are looking forward to chillin' the rest of the summer.

I am thrilled that my kiddos are are at peace with being home. This summer is a repeat of last summer. They rarely get bored and play with each other endlessly. Sound perfect? Far from it...they fight and complain still...but as a parent one must the evaluate the majority of the circumstance. And the MAJORITY of the time these guys are content.

Perhaps I will post on some of the things we are busy doing. Sometimes I wonder that myself:)

I leave you with a few pix from our 1st stop on this year's family vacation. It is an outdoor animal reserve. It's become an annual tradition on our way to the mountains...our main destination. Of course, it's only the 2nd year in a row we've done it...so I don't know if that counts as an ANNUAL tradition:)

Lil'Rocker seemed to enjoy the day. Each year he climbs the wooden ramp in the goat pen. It's for the goats, but he seems to think it's for him. Anyway, I LOVE this photo of him. It is so him. Darn cute, but with an "up to no good" look.

Of course Sha Sha found her horses and couldn't bring herself from them. Sometimes her obsession with them frightens me (lol)

The Ringleader enjoyed himself, but had ants in his pants to get to the mountains.

Yao Yao did amazingly well. She has an incredible fear of animals. She loves them from a far but if they come near she goes into a frenzy that is almost seizure like. So, we weren't sure what she would do at a wildlife park with a petting zoo. But once again she has amazed us and really seemed to like the animals. Here she was entranced with the horses.

We had a wonderful day at the park. Baba and the kids will have to do as a family picture. You must be crazy if you think we all would do a family picture on vacation:)