The announcement

I never meant to instigate such a flurry of curious excitement.  Of course, a balanced person would have left the reader both curious and peaceful.  But in my newly embraced unbalanced state, I’ve managed to leave some only curious.

So here is the official announcement: “There is no new baby flamingo in the flock”.

Some of you who were previously balanced, are now unbalanced with confusion. 

“What is she talking about?”

Well, I’ve been emailed and commented and talked to about my desire to create imbalance with my flock.  And I am sad that I have created unneeded excitement in your lives.

It did force me to think about the answer to the question, “are you having another one?”

You may be suprised that I am not responding an emphatic “no”. 

You may or may not remember the Rockstar Nurse’s emphatic, firm , and authoritative “no” when we were in China and 1st home.  And trust me…it was quite firm.

And that has not changed.  Well, not really. 

It does suprise me that we have had the conversation…”should we adopt again?”

And YOU may be more suprised that I am not the one that has always initiated these conversations.

It did take 5 months for such mind boggling conversations to take place, but they did happen.

And the result?

Well, I have no idea.

In a lot of ways, I feel done.  And usually about 6 days of the week or 12 hours of the day (the kids sleep for 12:) my hubby is done:)

BUUUUT, that does not end our conversations.

There are a couple reasons we think we should adopt again.  There are many, many MORE reasons why we don’t want to adopt again.

BUUUUT, that still doesn’t end our conversations.

Without a doubt we were called to adopt our Yao Yao.  And that calling created a passion and burden within me that although dampered at times, has never extinguished within me. 

I know I should unsubscribe to the waiting children lists that arrive in my email daily. 

But something stops me from doing so. 

Perhaps, it is because my own beautiful daughter was one of those children.

She was a waiting child.  A fact that floors me to this day.  She is healthy.  She has no special needs.  She is loving.  She is happy.   She is smart.  She is just an incredible little girl.

And that is why I don’t know if I will ever allow the door to be firmly closed and locked.  With all that I have come to believe and all that HE has opened my eyes to over the past 3 years, it would be an act of disobedience for me to say , “no”.  “Never again”.

And so, we are not moving forward.  But I am still praying.  And maybe that is all that I am supposed to do.  Pray for the precious little faces I see each day that are in need of families.