Belly graveling

A few posts ago, I talked about my "coming back". At that point, I had made the decision to get a grip on my life. Well, really my spiritual life. I realized what little credit I've given God to help me with this little stuff. The sadness, grief, anger, stress were not delivered to Him. Instead, I was constantly trying to will myself every morning that I would change...that things would change.

But then, I would get out of bed in the morning and the same cyclical spiral would continue.

Through readings and listening, I realized what He was telling me. It ALL goes back to Him. Well, the relationship that I have with Him. I can NOT change my world...only He can. And although I have the ability to choose my actions, my words, my thoughts, I will not have the strength to change these things without a full out dependence on him. That my anger, stress, frustration with my kids was hardly about the kids. It was where I was with Him.

So, I came to Him on my knees....I mean ON MY KNEES.

And from that point on I started to see changes and feel changes.

I was able to better control my tongue. I began to appreciate my children. I started to see that I was within His purpose right here as a mom.

I don't think I'm really communicating everything that has gone on inside of me. It's still morning, and yes I still question if God is powerful enough to make me a morning person:)

So, since words are not eloquently flowing, I will just say that I am praising God because I feel like me again. It feels normal. I feel normal. My kids feel normal. My life feels normal.

Looking back, I really believe there was a veil of depression over me.

Of course, my feeling of normal can also be largely attributed to the fact that I have my precious little boy back.

Lil'Rocker left us in a cloud of smoke to become "Chuckie with Rocker hair". But now, my precious lil' boy is back. His defiance and evil streak seemed to go over night.

I can not tell you how beautiful it is to me to be able to hold him and rock him at night. He comes to me when he is hurt now. He enjoys my presence again. I didn't realize how much I missed him.

The change in him did not come until I was on my knees. Actually, I was on my belly.

And I'm so glad I was because I don't think I would have graveled before the Lord like I did...and I don't think I would be where I am with Him if I hadn't.